I have seen so many posts on Instagram lately of women sharing their infertility struggles so I thought it would a great time to share my infertility journey. I have talked on here before about my story with infertility and the loss of my first son which you can read about here. This time I wanted to give a little bit more detail about the infertility side of our journey and exactly what we went through. I want to help provide hope to those struggling and worrying that they will never get the family that they want so badly. I remember how awful it is to not know what is going to happen and I always told myself I would never ever forget what that feels like even after I get my baby.
My Infertility Journey
My husband and I were married in 2010 after dating for 4 years. After around a year of marriage we decided to go off of birth control and start trying for a baby. The problem was after stopping birth control I never got a period, which means I wasn’t ovulating. So for about a year we tried different medications from my GYNO. I took Provera which induces a period and Clomid which is suppose to help you ovulate. I wasn’t being monitored but I am pretty sure that they didn’t work. Yes the Provera induced a period but I do not think the Clomid ever made me ovulate. I remember buying so many ovulation test kits and never getting a positive. After a year of this it was recommended that I see a fertility specialist.
After meeting with the doctor we decided to go straight to IVF since the chances of getting pregnant were higher then if we did IUI.
There were so many appointments. I can not even count how many mornings I drove almost an hour to have bloodwork and ultrasounds done. All of the medications and money spent. Luckily I am not afraid of needles so giving myself the injections were never an issue for me. The egg retrieval wasn’t awful but I was definitely sore for the next couple of days. I got updates on the embryo’s daily and we were very lucky to get a few good ones. We decided to just transfer one since it was our first try.
I took a pregnancy test at home the morning I went for bloodwork to see if it worked. I got a very faint line, but later that day I got a call saying that it worked and we were pregnant! Excited doesn’t even begin to describe how we felt. I had a very uneventful pregnancy. There were weekly ultrasounds with my fertility doctor until I hit 11 weeks then I transferred to my OBGYN. All tests and ultrasounds always went smoothly.
Unfortunately at 36 weeks I started bleeding out of nowhere while I was at home.
I went to the emergency room and had to have an emergency c-section. My beautiful baby boy Vinny was the one who lost the blood and 2 days after he was born we made the decision to take him off of life support. It turns out he had a velamentous cord insertion. Something that should of been diagnosed by 18 weeks and monitored. If is was, he would still be here.
After he died it was such a dark time in our lives.. Going home without your baby to a house filled with baby stuff. A complete nursery. A bassinet by your bed. After I healed physically I put all of my energy into having another baby. I didn’t want to replace my precious boy but I needed something to focus on. I decided to do another IVF once I got the go ahead.
This time was harder since my body went through so much.
It was more painful since I had just had ac- section 4 months prior. My body was just not ready. I did a fresh IVF cycle since the chances of pregnancy were so much higher compared to a frozen transfer. My body was just not cooperating this time around. My lining was so thin. The first transfer didn’t work and the next was a chemical pregnancy. The doctor advised me that he just did not think my body was ready and he didn’t know when it would be. If I wanted a baby anytime soon we discussed that a surrogate would be my best option. So that is what we did since I had some frozen embryo’s.
I met a wonderful woman in Florida online (there are lots of websites and boards and groups for this kind of thing). We talked and zoomed and thought we were a great match for each other. She had her own children and had a surrogate baby for a couple a few years prior. This was an extensive thing to go through. The medical and legal paperwork was so much but necessary. We each had our own attorneys and every day emailed paperwork back and forth. Finally when everything was set she flew in so we could meet in person and she could have her medical evaluation. Then she flew back a month later so she could have the embryo transferred.
Two weeks later we found out it did not work.
The following month she flew in again. We went to dinner the night before and I remember her asking me what my plans were if the embryo didn’t survive the thaw since it was our last frozen embryo. What? This did not even cross my mind. I didn’t even realize that that was a possibility. Well wouldn’t you know we went in that next morning and it didn’t make it. I was so upset she flew back that day. She didn’t have our baby but I am forever grateful for her. She is such an amazing woman to even want to help us like that. I know she was just as devastated as we were.
While all of the surrogacy stuff was happening we were also considering adopting.
We wanted to have all of our options open so we focused on finding an agency and becoming an approved family. We had everything ready so in case the surrogacy didn’t work out like above we were ready to go. Around 3 weeks after our embryo did not survive I was getting ready to write the check to the adoption agency to become an active family and I got a positive pregnancy test. I was pregnant, naturally!
We were both shocked. I did happen to get my first and only period throughout this whole journey a few weeks before but remember thinking that it mean’t nothing. Well it did. At 36 weeks pregnant I had a planned c-section and got to hold my beautiful baby Joseph. That was the absolute happiest moment of my life and something I wish I could relive over and over again. I still tell him everyday that he is my miracle. He was born with this slight red spot on his forehead that eventually went away. I remember his doctor telling me they called it an angel’s kiss and I truly believe that’s what it was.
When Joseph turned a year old we decided to try again.
This time I got a period and ovulated like clockwork but we couldn’t get pregnant. We met with a new fertility doctor after trying for a year and decided to try IUI. We had Joe and were so grateful so we said we would give 3 IUI’s a try and if it didn’t work then we knew our family was complete. IUI is much less invasive but still a lot of appointments for bloodwork and ultrasounds. The first IUI did not work. But the second did. And at 37 weeks I had a planned c-section with my Jason who completed our family.
I went through hell and back to get my boys and I would do it a million more times if I had to.
Both of my pregnancies with them went smooth luckily. They were stressful but I did my best to stay busy and just believe that everything was going to be ok. I bounced back super quick from all of c-sections as well which I am super thankful for.
If you are struggling with infertility and want to talk please feel free to message me or email me. My story, while yes tragic, also provides hope that you can have the baby and family you want so bad. I remember laying in bed at night and holding my husbands hand and asking him if everything was going to be ok and if we were going to have our baby. He would always tell me yes and he was right.
xoxo
Rachael